Forgive Me, Coach, for I Have Sinned…For Over a Month

At 10:00 pm on November 9, 2013, I ran my fourth half marathon in my entire life.  For millions of real runners, this isn’t a major accomplishment.  But for me, I considered it a pretty awesome accomplishment.  This was my 9th Disney Race, my 2nd Coast-to-Coast race in a row.  I was the shit.

I am on here to confess, though, a horrible sin.  I have a race in less than a month, and I have not trained.  

This may be my first race where I have not trained, and yet at the same time, I am totally happy.  Why?  Because I know I can do it.  I may not finish it FAST, but I know I can do it.  How do I know?  

I have a crutch.  An Iorek Byrnison crutch.  

You see, Iorek Byrnison is a talking, epic warrior-bear from The Golden Compass, a novel of a parallel world where a lot of weird things happen–talking animals, people with dæmons (their souls exist as animal avatars), and everything is powered by amber…weird shit.  Anyways, at one point Iorek has an epic battle against a larger, more powerful bear, and he is beaten to near death, except for a few things.  First, the large bear is slow, fat, and lazy as a pampered king bear.  Second, the large bear’s armor (weird shit) is made of gold and is strictly decor, while Iorek’s armor–while ugly–is made of durable, tempered iron.

Thirdly?  Iorek is crouching, leaning his hind leg on a jutted stone on the ground.  Doesn’t sound like much, but consider the 100-meter dash, where a sprinter at start rests his feet–you guessed it–on his/her starting block.  Iorek has a massive dynamite of potential energy just ready to massively explode.  And he does.

I digressed.  My crutch (I’m hoping) is the fact that I’ve been conditioning with Insanity.  This time, after YEARS (I mean, I’ve had the videos since 2008) of waiting, starting and stopping, putting things off…I am finally dedicating 60 days to getting this goddamned workout done.  I’ve 3 weeks left, which means that I will be ready by race day on February 22 for the Princess Half Marathon.  But I have yet to get my feet on the asphalt.

It’s just.  So.  Hard.